Scene 1
Lisa's-Interior
Z, Darnell, and Julian are sitting at a table, eating lunch, and talking. Z is looking through the paper.
Julian
Soooo Darnell, have you found a new assistant yet?
Darnell
(scoffs)
Please, in this recession? I'll be lucky if I find someone to clean the dust off of poor Estelle's desk.
Julian
Really? I thought people would be jumping at the chance to work at Brooks Reality? It's one of the most talked about real estate companies in New Jersey.
Z
(looking through the paper)
And Darnell's the most talked about, dug out, boss in the tri-state area. I'm kinda surprised that this ad you posted in the paper hasn't bursted into flames yet...
(gets a look from Darnell)
Well, I'M JUST SAYING! When the Prince of Darkess puts an ad in the paper to BUY someone's soul, eventually the paper's gonna go UP in fiery flames! And we all know Darnell is the Prince of Darkness reincarnated.
Julian
(laughs)
Are we going out this weekend? It's Friday and I feel that we haven't gone out in a VERY long time together.
(pouts)
I miss us hanging out.
Z
Well, we miss you too. Seeing as how we don't see you that much anymore since you've been playing with your new toy.
Julian
(confused)
New toy? What are you talking about, Z?
Darnell
She's TALKING about Vernon and the fact that you spend almost everyday with him. I'M starting to feel neglected. So either start dating the store clerk or DROP him because HE'S messing up the group dynamic AND YOUR Darnell time.
Julian
(gives Darnell a look)
You're jealous.DarnellUm yeah, you're MY bestfriend, not his. What's he giving you that I'm not, huh?
Julian
(thinks)
I HAVE been spending a lot of time with him, haven't I? You know sometimes it feels like we're dating but he's not gay. I'm dating a straight man.
(makes a face)
Normally, that would be my fantasy but now it's kinda starting to become...frustrating. Both mentally and sexually.
Z
(to Darnell)
You wanna know WHY Julian would rather spend time torturing himself with daydreams about Vernon that are never going to come true than hang out with you? Because unlike you, Vernon probably shows more interest in Julian than he does himself. You're very self absorbed and that can be--what's the word I'm looking for? Annoying--to a person.
(Julian and Darnell both look at Z funny)
Z
Just thought I'd put in my two cents.
Darnell
(a little soft)
I give Julian attention.
(to Julian)
I give you A LOT of attention.
Julian
Darnell, we've been friends since high school, going on years now. I know that the most important thing in your life is--well you--and everyone else comes second. It used to annoy me but now I'm just used to it. And I love you for who you are.
Z
And it's sad that you need to get used to your "bestfriend" throwing you to the side, Julian. Darnell is a HORRIBLE person and a HORRIBLE friend...
(to Darnell; smiling)
But I love you.
Darnell
(looks hurt)
Well, if I would have known this was beat up on Darnell day, I would have brought Z's special ed helmet to wear on my head. If you two hate me so much than why are you friends with me?
Julian
We don't HATE you, Darnell. We could NEVER hate you.
Z
Hm, speak for yourself.
Darnell
(gives Z a look)
Seriously though.
(looks like he cares)
You guys--really think that I'm THAT superficial, self-centered, and egostical?
Julian
(looks at Z; unsure)
I wouldn't call it all of that...
Z
I would! And probably a little bit more stuff that would have to be bleeped out.
Darnell
(pause)
You guys think I'm such a bad person? Ok, how about this? Z, have you found a job yet ever since you QUIT that housewife thing you were doing so your "boyfriend" didn't have to STRUGGLE to pay bills with that--blue collar paycheck he gets? Which by the way was stupid as hell. No matter what Stony said, you was getting paid boo.
Z
(sighs; depressed)
Don't remind me. Now I'm back to fishing for bookings and playing housewife to Stony and HE doesn't think he should pay me for my "pre-destined" duties of doing the house work. That man THINKS that I'm SUPPOSED to take care of him, isn't that crazy?
(Julian and Darnell both look at Z a little funny)
Julian
Well Z...Stony DOES bring home the majority of the money and pays for the bills.
Darnell
Majority? Stony brings home ALL the money...
(to Z)
All YOU bring home is the germs and bacteria from playing in the dumpster with the rest of your litter.
Julian
(interjecting)
BUT, we all know that you can work now. IF the pay is right for you. So all you NEED to do is find a job that pays you what your last job was paying or better.
Z
Where am I gonna find a job that pays me weekly for just basically catering to someone else's needs and waiting on them hand and foot?
Darnell
(brightly; smiling)
Start selling your soul, bitch because you're hired as my new assistant!
Z
(laughing loudly)
Oh--Oh God, that's funny! That's--that's funny, Darnell! Boy, you ARE hilarious!
Darnell
It pays four hundred a week.
(Z stops laughing and starts packing up his food in a take out plate)
Julian
What are you doing?
Z
Wrapping up this food so I have something to eat. Gonna work up an appetite after I finish dusting off Estelle's desk.
(Darnell and Julian laugh).
End of Scene.
Do you think Z and Darnell will make it through the day without killing each other at Z's new job?
Is Julian spending too much time with Vernon and neglecting his friends?
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