Ep. 4, "Z and Julian's Master Plan

Scene 3 from Episode 4, "Sherlock Homo"



Lisa's-Interior-Table



Julian is sitting down at the table, sipping on a drink when Z runs in and sits down. He's visibly out of breath.


Julian
Are you...ok?


Z
(breathless)
Darnell...doesn't know...I'm go--go...oh girl, I think I'm about to see them pearly gates.
(drinks some Julian's water; throws ice on his face)



Julian
You snuck out of work?


Z
Darnell was in a meeting with a client so aint NO point in me staying there BORED as HELL I can only have but SO much fun ordering wigs on Darnell's company credit card! After awhile it gets kinda...



Julian
Illegal? Fradualent?


Z
Addicting, mary! I ordered me enough wigs to last a YEAR. I ALMOST started to buy some costumes too but I figured I'd--be nice and...



Julian
Reduce your federal prison sentence by choosing to not STEAL more of Darnell's money to fund your drag career.


Z
Girl, that it is LEGAL. That's what PRETTY cash is forrrrr. To BUY pretty things!



Julian
(laughs)
It's PETTY cash.



Z
And this is a PETTY conversation that's WASTING both out time. So what was SOOOO important that you felt the need to interrupt my WORK, shopping experience?


Julian
THIS.



Julian hands Z Vernon's phone that he found earlier, there's a picture of him and Julian making funny faces as his screen saver.



Z
Awww. Don't you guys look like the cutest, confusing, gay straight couple ever.
(hands the phone back to see)
You going through it, girl? Putting pictures of you and your "unrequited love" on your phone. Is that why you called me?



Julian
No. Well, yeah, I AM going through it but that's not why I called you. This ISN'T my phone...it's Vernon's.


Z
(angry)
You stole that boy's phone?! Oh lord. Ok, ok, ok, don't panic.
(calms himself)
My bestfriend's gone "Crazy In Love" like Beyonce over Jay-Z! YOU'VE become a stalker!
(softly; concerned)
Julian, we will get you the help you need...



Julian
You need to stop watching "Snapped" causeee--you a little snapped yaself. Vernon came to the dance studio today during one my classes and he dropped his phone when he left. Of course, that was after he ripped me a new one for igging him the past week.



Z
Does he understand the concept you snooze, you lose? If he doesn't wanna accept that he likes men and wants to keep leading you on, than you need to go out there and do you, boo. And that's exactly what you did, aint nothing wrong with that.



Julian
But I didn't, Z. I didn't stop talking to Vernon because I wanted to talk to other guys. I did it because I didn't wanna deal with my feelings for HIM but...after today, after the way he talked to me...I don't know. Maybe I should just put it out there finally and hope for the best no matter WHAT the outcome is.



Z
Or look like a FOOL! Julian, you've tried...



Julian
NO, I haven't. I always THINK about--saying--SOMETHING, ANTYHING to him about how I feel but...



Z
(understanding)You don't wanna be rejected.



Julian
(pause)
Yeah. Pretty much.



Z
Well, you called the right bitch cause WE? About to find out what the hell's going on with Vernon, voluntarily or involuntarily.



(Z pulls out some gloves from his bag)



Julian
(shocked)
Wh--what are the gloves for? Why do you have rubber gloves in your bag?



Z
Oh, so you choose NOW to ask questions? You shoulda been asking Vernon questions! Now just stop being nosy and let mama work. Gimme that phone.



Julian hands him the phone.



Julian
Um Z...where are we going?



Z
To Vernon's house.



Julian
Vernon's at work.



Z
Well duh, I would hope the hell so. Him being home means I can't use my kit.




Julian
What ki...?
(decides not to ask)
Nevermind, let's go.
(gets up from the table)
Wait, don't you have to go back to work?



Z
(not caring)
Mary, I've been off the clock since my lunch break, let's pump boo.


Julian and Z leave Lisa's.