“BOYFRIENDZ” “Pilot” (1 of 2)
Scene 1
Z and Stony's Apartment--Interior-Living Room
January 21, 2009. Wednesday morning. The show opens up with Z, the "mother" of the Boyfriends crew. He's medium height, light skin, and skinny. Very effeminate but doesn't care what anyone thinks about him and believes he can kick anyone's ass. Usually, the advice giver of the group and has a love hate relationship with Darnell. Z is closest to Julian out of everyone and they consider themselves "gay sisters" for life .Z is cleaning up the living room singing, "Diva" by Beyonce, with her headphones on and her cd player blasting. Julian comes in, dressed in his dance gear.Julian is handsome, short, nicely built and is the nicest one of the group but also the most neurotic, naive, and a little bit "blonde" sometimes. He is the most rational of the Boyfriends but is also the least experienced. Julian has been Z's best friend for years after they met through mutual friends and has a key to his apartment. Hearing Z singing, he walks into the living room and has a horrified look on his face.
Z
(singing)
"Since fifteen in my stiletouttes, been strutting in this game, what's yo age, what's the(inaudible sound, Z makes noise with her mouth)I'ma, I'ma a diva...
(singing)
"Since fifteen in my stiletouttes, been strutting in this game, what's yo age, what's the(inaudible sound, Z makes noise with her mouth)I'ma, I'ma a diva...
Julian
Oh--my--God...WHAT is that ungodly sound coming out of your mouth?
Oh--my--God...WHAT is that ungodly sound coming out of your mouth?
Z
(singing, paying no mind)
You see that maskkkk or that moneyyyyy...
Julian
YOU are NOT Beyonce!
Z(singing)I'ma, I'ma a divaaa--I'ma, I'ma a divaaa...
Julian
(sighing, knowing what he has to say)
You're not Beyonce, you're better bitch!
(sighing, knowing what he has to say)
You're not Beyonce, you're better bitch!
Z cuts off the music and smiles.
Z
And don't you forget it, hunnay.
And don't you forget it, hunnay.
Julian
Hi, Z. For a minute there I thought I was going to have to smack you, bring you back to reality You ARE NOT Beyonce.
Hi, Z. For a minute there I thought I was going to have to smack you, bring you back to reality You ARE NOT Beyonce.
Z makes a face at him.
Z
I am tired of all this hateration from the girls, hunnay. How ya doing, mary?
I am tired of all this hateration from the girls, hunnay. How ya doing, mary?
Julian smiles, their banter being one of the brighter part of his days.
Julian
Do you really wanna know? I'm nervous as hell. I have this audition at ten-thirty, which is in about THIRTY minutes and I don't think I can do it.
Do you really wanna know? I'm nervous as hell. I have this audition at ten-thirty, which is in about THIRTY minutes and I don't think I can do it.
Z
You second guessing yourself, girl, course you CAN'T do it.
(sits down on the other couch)
That's like me saying I'm NOT gonna win the pageant and than...NOT--win the pageant...maybe that's not such a good example.
You second guessing yourself, girl, course you CAN'T do it.
(sits down on the other couch)
That's like me saying I'm NOT gonna win the pageant and than...NOT--win the pageant...maybe that's not such a good example.
Julian smirks.
Julian
Your pageants are different, we go into them KNOWING that we're not going to win. Than when we DON'T win, we have to fight cause it was rigged. Just not something I wanna have to do at an audition. Just saying.
Your pageants are different, we go into them KNOWING that we're not going to win. Than when we DON'T win, we have to fight cause it was rigged. Just not something I wanna have to do at an audition. Just saying.
Z looks offended.
Z
You're a shady queen. A shady, shady queen!
(he calms down)
I DID win those pageants, those bricks couldn't TAKE me, hunnay.
Z flips his fake, imaginary hair.
You're a shady queen. A shady, shady queen!
(he calms down)
I DID win those pageants, those bricks couldn't TAKE me, hunnay.
Z flips his fake, imaginary hair.
Julian
I know. I know. You were a lot prettier than those other girls. Except Kimberly Kane....
I know. I know. You were a lot prettier than those other girls. Except Kimberly Kane....
Z
(doesn't look interested)
She was alright.
(doesn't look interested)
She was alright.
Julian
Oh! And, Ebony Prisay...
Oh! And, Ebony Prisay...
Z
Yeah, she was good...
Yeah, she was good...
Julian
Oh my God, and Asaiyah Dior!
Oh my God, and Asaiyah Dior!
Z
(Z gets up, looking interested)
She was sickning! Sickning! That's the package I want tohave! She...was...SICKNING.
They both stop for a moment, thinking about the drag pageants they've done and how having a better package would have made them win.
(Z gets up, looking interested)
She was sickning! Sickning! That's the package I want tohave! She...was...SICKNING.
They both stop for a moment, thinking about the drag pageants they've done and how having a better package would have made them win.
Julian
Maybe we need to change your package...
Maybe we need to change your package...
Z
(nodding in agreement)
Why didn't we think of that before?
(nodding in agreement)
Why didn't we think of that before?
Julian
(stumped)
I don't know...but anyway. The audition. It's for this guy called "Energy", some new punk, pop singer. He's making a video and he needs some dancers so...I'm gonna go try out.
(stumped)
I don't know...but anyway. The audition. It's for this guy called "Energy", some new punk, pop singer. He's making a video and he needs some dancers so...I'm gonna go try out.
Z looks like he doesn't want to laugh but she does.
Z
Energy. Sounds like a drink. I don't know if I would be going to that audition, girl.
Energy. Sounds like a drink. I don't know if I would be going to that audition, girl.
Julian
Why not?
Why not?
Z
Because, Energy? What kind of name is that?
Because, Energy? What kind of name is that?
Julian
What kind of name is, "Zanity Kane"?
What kind of name is, "Zanity Kane"?
Z
(looks serious)
You trying to read, girl? Zanity Kane is a hot ass name for my alter ego. Beyonce aint the only one who could have split personalities and make millions off of them.
(looks serious)
You trying to read, girl? Zanity Kane is a hot ass name for my alter ego. Beyonce aint the only one who could have split personalities and make millions off of them.
Julian
You already got too many of THOSE that DON'T make no money! And "Zanity Kane" sounds like a mental patient.
(acts like he's introducing someone)
Everyone, it's...ZANITY KANE!"...I would be running out the club to the nearest police station if they announced that name as the next performer at a club.
You already got too many of THOSE that DON'T make no money! And "Zanity Kane" sounds like a mental patient.
(acts like he's introducing someone)
Everyone, it's...ZANITY KANE!"...I would be running out the club to the nearest police station if they announced that name as the next performer at a club.
Z
(wants to be mad but finds it funny)
I wish I could call you something that they could air on tv.
(wants to be mad but finds it funny)
I wish I could call you something that they could air on tv.
Julian laughs.
Julian
So you really think I SHOULDN'T go?
So you really think I SHOULDN'T go?
Z
No. I think you should go. Because you're a good dancer and you're gonna kill it.
No. I think you should go. Because you're a good dancer and you're gonna kill it.
Julian
Thank you...
(thinks)
Are you secretly crossing you're fingers so I can't see them and you're really wishing me bad luck instead of all that fluff you just gave me? You know, being the shady person you are.
Thank you...
(thinks)
Are you secretly crossing you're fingers so I can't see them and you're really wishing me bad luck instead of all that fluff you just gave me? You know, being the shady person you are.
Z
(smiles like he's caught)
How did you know?
(smiles like he's caught)
How did you know?
Julian
Cause you're a hateful, whore. Least that's what Stony says.
Z sits up, wanting to know what his boyfriend said about him.
Cause you're a hateful, whore. Least that's what Stony says.
Z sits up, wanting to know what his boyfriend said about him.
Z
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Julian
He was talking to Darnell in the bathroom while you were in the bed talking to ME about the argument you had last night. You know, Stony calls Darnell, Darnell calls me, the whole "gay phone chain". I swear, me and Darnell are going to start charging you for the all the bags under our eyes from staying up with you guys so late on the phone.
He was talking to Darnell in the bathroom while you were in the bed talking to ME about the argument you had last night. You know, Stony calls Darnell, Darnell calls me, the whole "gay phone chain". I swear, me and Darnell are going to start charging you for the all the bags under our eyes from staying up with you guys so late on the phone.
Suddenly, Darnell comes in. Darnell is the friend you have who thinks he's better than everybody, looks better than everybody, you know, those "I'm the Queen of the world" and better than you friends. Darnell is closest with Julian because they were best friends in high school and has always stuck up for Julian even though he sometimes cares more about himself than others. He and Z have a love hate relationship, mostly because Z doesn't put up with Darnell's "bow down to me" attitude. Darnell is twenty three, short, and cute with a short haircut and you can tell that he likes the finer things in life. He wears designer clothing from head to toe and is the "self proclaimed cute one" of the Boyfriendz.
Darnell
Don't BE saying I have bags under my eyes, I will NEVER have bags under my eyes. That's what I paid my plastic surgeon five thousand dollars under the table AND made that pact with the devil for.
Don't BE saying I have bags under my eyes, I will NEVER have bags under my eyes. That's what I paid my plastic surgeon five thousand dollars under the table AND made that pact with the devil for.
Julian and Z look back, shocked to see him.
Z
And I'm gonna start charging for every time you leave the door unlocked and let this label whore hyena come into my apartment.
And I'm gonna start charging for every time you leave the door unlocked and let this label whore hyena come into my apartment.
Julian
Now you he would have found a way in anyway...hey, Darnell. You're up early.
Now you he would have found a way in anyway...hey, Darnell. You're up early.
Darnell
I was gonna say the same about this trick...(he points to Z)
SHE'S never up until the sunlight hits her in the face and says "Hey, I'm about to go SET now, you MIGHT wanna get up."
I was gonna say the same about this trick...(he points to Z)
SHE'S never up until the sunlight hits her in the face and says "Hey, I'm about to go SET now, you MIGHT wanna get up."
Darnell sits down on the couch next to Julian and her cell phone rings.
Darnell
One second...
(he answers)
(he answers)
Hi honey! Yes, the house on Elshire and Brawn is lovely. Three bathrooms, Four bedrooms, and a kitchen and half. When can you see it, um...next week? That's great. I'll see ya than.
(he hangs up, looking happy but the rest of them are looking at her like she's crazy)
What?
(he hangs up, looking happy but the rest of them are looking at her like she's crazy)
What?
Z
Wilshire and Brawn HAS no houses left to live on it. It was destroyed in the flood that happened weeks ago. What deaf, dumb, and blind person are YOU selling a house to over there?
Wilshire and Brawn HAS no houses left to live on it. It was destroyed in the flood that happened weeks ago. What deaf, dumb, and blind person are YOU selling a house to over there?
Darnell
(pauses)Ok, ok, so she's blind! And what the house has is three rooms that I'm GONNA TURN...into all that crap I just said.
(thinks)
HOW many kitchens did I say were in there again?
(pauses)Ok, ok, so she's blind! And what the house has is three rooms that I'm GONNA TURN...into all that crap I just said.
(thinks)
HOW many kitchens did I say were in there again?
Z
God knows how you've been in business for so long without being locked up.
God knows how you've been in business for so long without being locked up.
Darnell
Boo, when you got these...
(he shows his arms, they're muscular)
Going to jail is the least of your problems.
Boo, when you got these...
(he shows his arms, they're muscular)
Going to jail is the least of your problems.
Z
Unless they mistake you for a male hooker which they probably will seeing as how you dress like somebody working the corner.
Unless they mistake you for a male hooker which they probably will seeing as how you dress like somebody working the corner.
Darnell
Hmm, envy, it looks so good on you, Z. These would look good on you too...
(displays his diamond studs)
I mean, I KNOW you wish you had them.
Hmm, envy, it looks so good on you, Z. These would look good on you too...
(displays his diamond studs)
I mean, I KNOW you wish you had them.
Z
(unphased)
And YOU wish you had a man, but I guess you can settle for those earrings. Sure they'll keep you warm at night next to your picture of Young Jeezy.
Darnell looks at Julian, surprised that Z knows that.
(unphased)
And YOU wish you had a man, but I guess you can settle for those earrings. Sure they'll keep you warm at night next to your picture of Young Jeezy.
Darnell looks at Julian, surprised that Z knows that.
Julian
(apologetic)
I'm sorry! I was a little tipsy one night, Z asked to know embarrassing things about you, I...she got me! But I blame it on the alcohol like Jaime. Never again will I drink liquor that's lit on fire, it's just not natural. It's like a truth serum. I was like Ben Stiller in the "Meet the Parents" sequel, couldn't shut up for nothing.
(apologetic)
I'm sorry! I was a little tipsy one night, Z asked to know embarrassing things about you, I...she got me! But I blame it on the alcohol like Jaime. Never again will I drink liquor that's lit on fire, it's just not natural. It's like a truth serum. I was like Ben Stiller in the "Meet the Parents" sequel, couldn't shut up for nothing.
Z
Yeah but you wouldn't stop drinking it even when you spilled the drink and the table caught fire, right alchy?
Yeah but you wouldn't stop drinking it even when you spilled the drink and the table caught fire, right alchy?
Julian
You wouldn't let a six dollar shot go to waste either! I don't care if the club was going to burn down, I was DRINKING that drink.
You wouldn't let a six dollar shot go to waste either! I don't care if the club was going to burn down, I was DRINKING that drink.
Darnell looks around at the walls, shaking his head as though he were talking to somebody.
Julian
WHAT are you doing?
WHAT are you doing?
Darnell
(making a sad face) Feeling SORRY for these walls. They're just crying, "Paint me. Paint me."
(making a sad face) Feeling SORRY for these walls. They're just crying, "Paint me. Paint me."
Z
There is NOTHING wrong with my walls.
There is NOTHING wrong with my walls.
Darnell
More importantly, there's nothing RIGHT with them either. You should REALLY let me re-do your house.
More importantly, there's nothing RIGHT with them either. You should REALLY let me re-do your house.
Z
You SELL houses, NOT decorate them. You might have pictures of yourself all up and through here if I give you that kind of power and I will NOT be staring at you all night long, trying to give ME nightmares...messing up my sleep and stuff.
You SELL houses, NOT decorate them. You might have pictures of yourself all up and through here if I give you that kind of power and I will NOT be staring at you all night long, trying to give ME nightmares...messing up my sleep and stuff.
Darnell
Every gay man's fantasy is to be staring at me all night long. Do you KNOW how many men have asked to photograph me just so they can have something to look at, at night?
Every gay man's fantasy is to be staring at me all night long. Do you KNOW how many men have asked to photograph me just so they can have something to look at, at night?
Z
Yeah, the ones who posted your pictures up on a porn site, that's who.
Yeah, the ones who posted your pictures up on a porn site, that's who.
Darnell
That only happened TWICE...well, once...if you DON'T count the fact that the first time it happened, I sold the pictures to the website myself.
That only happened TWICE...well, once...if you DON'T count the fact that the first time it happened, I sold the pictures to the website myself.
Julian
How DO you sleep at night?
How DO you sleep at night?
Darnell
Comfortably. Peacefully. On my mattress that absorbs the haters right from my body. I paid eleven hundred dollars to have it flown privately from the sheep fields of...
(tries to think of the name but can't)
SOME third world country. I'll tell you, those eleven year old slave shops workers put their foot into making that bed, I know that's why Angelina adopted all of them, all her gowns are "hand made". Mother Teresa my ass.
Comfortably. Peacefully. On my mattress that absorbs the haters right from my body. I paid eleven hundred dollars to have it flown privately from the sheep fields of...
(tries to think of the name but can't)
SOME third world country. I'll tell you, those eleven year old slave shops workers put their foot into making that bed, I know that's why Angelina adopted all of them, all her gowns are "hand made". Mother Teresa my ass.
Julian
You just love rubbing the fact that you have money in our face, don't you?
You just love rubbing the fact that you have money in our face, don't you?
Darnell
Well...
(thinks about it)
Yeah. It just makes me feel like a better person, I like that feeling. Aint nothing wrong with wanting to be the best.
Well...
(thinks about it)
Yeah. It just makes me feel like a better person, I like that feeling. Aint nothing wrong with wanting to be the best.
Z
The one thing you're the best at...
The one thing you're the best at...
Darnell
(defensively)
Is what? WHAT?! Go ahead say it, the one thing I'm the best at is laying on my back, right?
(defensively)
Is what? WHAT?! Go ahead say it, the one thing I'm the best at is laying on my back, right?
Z
(pause)
Well, I was GONNA say it's being all about yourself butlaying on your back, that works too. DEFINITELY works.
(pause)
Well, I was GONNA say it's being all about yourself butlaying on your back, that works too. DEFINITELY works.
Julian
I should start going.
(Julian gets up from the couch, sighing)
I should start going.
(Julian gets up from the couch, sighing)
Julian
Wish me luck?
Wish me luck?
Darnell
I don't even know where the hell you're going. I don't do that whole blind trusting thing anymore. That's how you end up playing gay "Pirates of the Caribbean", tied to a flagpole, naked and blindfolded, you WON'T...get me twice.
I don't even know where the hell you're going. I don't do that whole blind trusting thing anymore. That's how you end up playing gay "Pirates of the Caribbean", tied to a flagpole, naked and blindfolded, you WON'T...get me twice.
Julian
I'm going to my audition for Energy.
I'm going to my audition for Energy.
Darnell
(looks at Z confused)
I will NOT be a part of wishing you luck to get the part of an energy drink. You got the wrong one here. Regardless to what you bitches may think, I CARE about my friends' success.(to Julian)Aim higher, boo, you can do better than an energy drink. Now auditioning to be a Pepsi can? That's where the money is.
(looks at Z confused)
I will NOT be a part of wishing you luck to get the part of an energy drink. You got the wrong one here. Regardless to what you bitches may think, I CARE about my friends' success.(to Julian)Aim higher, boo, you can do better than an energy drink. Now auditioning to be a Pepsi can? That's where the money is.
Julian just looks at Darnell funny and than turns to Z.
Julian
Can you...
Can you...
Z
(already understanding what he's saying)
I'll fill dumbass in. Good luck on your audition.JulianI'll call you guys, let you know how it goes because if I DON'T get it, we're getting drinks bright and early today at Lisa's so I can drown my sorrows. Call me an alcoholic all you want.Julian walks out of the apartment.
(already understanding what he's saying)
I'll fill dumbass in. Good luck on your audition.JulianI'll call you guys, let you know how it goes because if I DON'T get it, we're getting drinks bright and early today at Lisa's so I can drown my sorrows. Call me an alcoholic all you want.Julian walks out of the apartment.
Darnell
(shaking his head)
I can't believe you're letting that poor boy go off and audition to be an energy drink. And you CALL me a bad friend.
(gets a confused look on his face)
Why is he acting anyway? I thought he wanted to be a doctor.
(shaking his head)
I can't believe you're letting that poor boy go off and audition to be an energy drink. And you CALL me a bad friend.
(gets a confused look on his face)
Why is he acting anyway? I thought he wanted to be a doctor.
Z
(looks like he can't believe Darnell just said that)
Julian wants to be a DANCER.
(looks like he can't believe Darnell just said that)
Julian wants to be a DANCER.
Darnell
Dancer, doctor, he still living with his father! But yeah, you should really let me re-do your house.
Dancer, doctor, he still living with his father! But yeah, you should really let me re-do your house.
Z just gives Darnell an "I can't believe you" look.
End of Scene.
Which is your favorite boyfriend so far?
If you had to choose a gay friend between Z and Julian, who would you choose?
What is your first impression of Z?
Send your comments to twitter.com/boyfriendznews
Can't wait to hear from you!
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